iFill Out My Profile
by chasingafterstarlight
Summary: Carly makes Sam fill out her Splashface profile with a long survey and Spencer burns off the delete key on the keyboard. What will happen? Seddie, of course!
1. Chapter 1

**Sam Puckett (SPuckett)'s Profile on **_**Splashface**_

Carly's making me take the stupid Splashface survey, and fill it out honestly, but I said, "Who the heck cares if it's filled out honestly?"

She told me that, "It will help people get to know you better and see the kind side of you."

Just so you know, _I don't have a kind side._

Anyway, here ya go.

**The Basics**

**Name: **Sam Puckett. If you don't know that, get away from here. I have two fists that work perfectly well…

**Gender: **Female, duh.

**Age: **What are you, some pedophile? Crap, Carly's watching me. I'm sixteen, all right?

**Birthday: **It's not like it matters, but April 16, 1994.

**Race: **I'm white (yeah, white girl) but I could still beat you up.

**School/ Grade: **Ridgeway High, 10th grade (I got held back a grade, all right?)

**Status: **Awesome, of course.

**Hometown: **Stalker….Seattle (*cough* Carly made me *cough*)

**Parents Still Together: **…

**Siblings: **My annoying twin, Melanie Puckett. (Yes, Fredwardo, she does exist!)

**Pets: **My awesome cat Frothy (even with one eye, she's still the best cat ever)

**Orientation: **Straight, stupid. See? You're a stalker.

**Appearance **(and it gets even more stalkerish)

**Hair Color: **I'm a blonde. And if you even try to make one of those retarded blonde jokes, my fist will meet your face. And it will _not _be a kind introduction.

**Is it dyed? **Of course not. If I dyed it, it'd be something a heck of a lot cooler than blonde.

**Eye Color: **Blue….but I'm thinking of getting red contacts.

**Height: **Who the heck cares?

**Style: **Pretty nice, I like plaids and chiz.

**Glasses/ Contacts/ None: **Sam Puckett has 20/20 vision.

**Shoe Size: **….do you wanna buy me shoes or something? Cause Mama's fine with that. Size 8/9.

**Piercings: **Two holes in each ear :P I wanna get a nose piercing or something, that'd be pretty awesome.

**Tattoos? **Sadly, no. Carly says that, "I'll regret it for the rest of my life," but I don't really care. Except for when I get old, I'll have all that flab. A flabby tattoo. *Shudders*

**Braces? **No. Dude, I've hardly been to the dentist. You actually think my _mother _has money for braces?

**Overall Best Feature? **My personality and my hot bod. :P

**Overall Worst Feature? **_Sam Puckett _has no worst feature.

**Likes/ Dislikes**

**Favorite color? **Brown, cause it's the color of 'meatballs.' Take that whichever way you wanna. _Meatball eyes, his meatball eyes…._crap! How come I can't delete that? STUPID IDIOT COMPUTER!

**Worst Color? **Pink, of course. That's for saps like Carly (no offense, Carls)

**Favorite number? **239, I have no idea why… or do I?

**Favorite animal? **Chickens and pigs, cause they make rockin' meat!

**Least favorite animals? **Humans.

**Favorite flower? **Ew, flowers! Flowers are for girly saps.

**Favorite food? **HAM, BACON, FRIED CHICKEN!

**Least favorite food? **Cucumber cups.

**Favorite junk food? **Fat Cakes FTW! How could you not like Fat Cakes?

**Favorite restaurant? **Groovy Smoothie, of course! Also Cheesecake Warehouse is really good.

**Favorite candy? **If anyone can get me some of those foreign chocolates that Missy gave me _without _the ancient expiration date, that'd be AMAZING. Seriously.

**Favorite genre of music: **ROCK, OF COURSE.

**Least favorite genre of music: **poppy happy crappy. Like that stuff Carly listens to.

**Favorite nickname: **Princess Puckett. Wait, where's the delete key? CARLY!

**Least favorite nickname: **….blonde headed demon. I'm not a demon!

**Favorite Book: **Boogie Bear 3: The Return of Boogie Bear (Yes, this is a book)

**Least Favorite Book: **All the stupid books we're _forced_ to read in class.

**Favorite TV Show: **Girly Cow!

**Least Favorite TV Show: **The dorky sci-fi action crap.

**Favorite Movie: **Boogie Bear/ Girly Cow movies.

**Least Favorite Movie: **Galaxy Wars. It's the dorkiest chiz ever invented, I mean, who likes it? Oh yeah, Frednub Benson. Offense intended.

**Best Friend: **Carly Shay. And Freddork Benson. (OH MY…..LADY GAGA! WHERE THE HECK IS THE DELETE KEY, CSHAY?)

**Worst Enemy**: Uncool adults, some humans and sometimes that Freddie kid.

**One thing you can't get enough of: **A certain dork. (WTH? I really have to stop typing the first thing that comes into my head because my NUBBY BEST FRIEND REMOVED THE DELETE KEY!)

**One thing you hate more than anything: **Carly Shay removing the delete key!

**Love Life **(oh, Fat Cake)

**Are you single? **No chiz!

**If you're single, do you like it? **Maybe. Wait, why do you care? Serious stalker!

**Do you have a crush on anyone right now? **fnxoinvea YES! See, I'm being honest, Carly.

**First Kiss: **Freddie Benson (WTH vneiaonvknveainnvie CARLY! You typed that, and I can't delete it! Even if it is true…wthiavneianviena I hate you Carly!)

**First Love: **See, you really wanna know? Well, I can't tell you.

**Have you ever cheated on anyone? **No, because I'm a nice girl.

**Been cheated on? **Need I mention that hobknocker Jonah?

**Ever made out with just a friend? **Does kissing count? AHH I can't delete that!

**Do you flirt a lot? **…maybe…with just one person though!

**Do you believe in love at first sight? **I'm not some jank sappy chick, but I do believe in it because SADLY I've experienced it.

**Ever cried over someone of the opposite sex? **Sam Puckett doesn't cry, loser!

**Do you ever make the first move? **If the guy is a wimp, yes. Proves Sam Puckett's stronger than them.

**Do you want to get married? **Sure, if that 'right guy' grows a backbone and asks me out.

**Opposite Sex (What You're Attracted To)**

**Hair Color: **brown

**Short or long: **Medium. Short makes them look like a nub, long makes them look like a stoner or a girl (Spencer).

**Style: **Well-dressed (Mama's already sloppy enough)

**Age: **My age, or near it! I don't need a Sugar Daddy or a little nubby kid.

**Height: **Taller than me XD

**Weight: **Not fat! Unless it's the World's Fattest Priest…

**Muscular or Skinny: **MUSCULAR! Sammy likes some muscle.

**Do you care about looks? **Well, they sure do help.

**Other**

**Can you drive? **I could, but I wrecked and they took away my license.

**Do you have a car? **No, I never did. I wrecked Fredly Benson's car.

**Do you have a cell phone? **Yeah, I stole it.

**Are you online a lot? **Not a lot…

**Can you speak another language? **Italian.

**Do you do well in school? **Of course not!

**Do you have an obsession? **Um…maybe XD

**Do you hate yourself? **Yeah, cause I'm so emo *cuts self* Heck to the NO!

**Ever smile for no reason? **No, when I smile I have a reason. No one needs to know the reason though.

**Talk to yourself? **No, I don't! Yes, you do! I never talk to myself! Then who are you talking to right now?

**Do you have any regrets? **Actually yes, I regret not figuring something out sooner.

**Do you trust people easily? **No…people are bad, duh.

**Forgive easily? **Nope.

**Do you get along with your parents? **My mom? No. Ever since that therapy chiz, it's been a bit better but my mom still doesn't care.

**Other people? **Everyone who isn't a geek, nub, loser, Goth, pansy… well, mainly just Carly and hot guys, and Spencer. Sometimes the dork. _Sometimes._

**How do you vent your anger? **I punch stuff or people.

**Biggest Fear? **Sam Puckett isn't scared of anything.

**Biggest Weakness? **I told you, I don't have one.

**Goodbye (FINALLY!)**

**Did you enjoy this quiz? **Heck no. Carly got a kick out of it, though.

SPSF SPSF

**Comments**

**CShay: **SAM!

First, I didn't remove the delete key. Spencer accidentally burned just that key. No one knows how. It probably came off and Spencer tried to fix it. You know how it goes when Spencer tries to fix stuff or make stuff.

Second, what is all that stuff about Freddie? It sounds like you have a crush on him….XD. Even your description of the perfect guy sounds like Freddie since he got buff.

Third, what regrets?

**SPuckett: **Carly!

I don't like Fredward! It was just… accidental….so what if I do?

Why would I tell you?

**CShay: **Cause I'm your best friend!

**FBenson: **…

**SShay: **Sam, you're so funny! I can't believe you like Freddie!

**FBenson: **…..

SPSF SPSF

**The Next Day at Ridgeway**

"I saw your blog," Freddie told the aggressive teenager as he stood at her locker.

Sam blushed a deep red. "Spencer burned the delete key."

"So I've heard," Freddie replied dryly.

Punching his shoulder, Sam yelled, "I don't like you, Freddie Benson! So you better stop _implying _that, or your face will look even more deformed than usual."

"Sure you don't," Freddie muttered sarcastically. He then took her flaming face between his hands and kissed her roughly. "Just like I don't like you back."

As he turned and walked away, for the first time Sam Puckett felt a little bit of gratitude towards Spencer's horrible fixing techniques and Carly's want for Sam to have a blog.

**Yeah, I don't know why but I haven't updated iBreak a Promise for a while. However, I didn't have enough time to write one tonight. I'll hopefully get it up tomorrow for all those fans!**

**Eh, that was a little OOC, but I don't care. I thought it was kinda funny **** and I liked writing for Sam. Maybe I should do one for Freddie after he and Sam start going out? Would you guys like that? REVIEW and tell me!**

**Reviews are loved!**


	2. Sam's Revenge

**Hey, peeps!**

**Thanks so much for all the reviews! I didn't even expect 1, so to look at that number- 29- it's shocking! I'd love to be able to thank all of you personally, but I don't have that much room, so I'll try to PM you all and thank you. Thanks to your feedback, I wrote a sequel, so here ya go.**

**Freddie Benson (FBenson's) Profile on **_**Splashface**_

Ugh, Sam's decided that if she has to fill out a survey for her stupid 'profile' on Splashface then so do I. And she picked the most embarrassing survey on here, the 'Love Life' survey. _Love life. _Well, I guess she'll also be embarrassed by this survey. Ha, Sam! Revenge is mine!

Well, I guess I should start now…

**Love Life Survey**

**Name: **Fredward "Freddie" Benson.

**Nicknames: **Freddie, Fredturd, Fredly, Fredduchini, Fredstupid, Fredloser, Freddork, Frednub, Benson… need I go on?

**Age: **I'm sixteen, just barely old enough to drive. Sam makes me drive her everywhere, though she _should _have one, but she wrecked MY CAR and they took away her license. Hmph.

**Are you single? **No, not anymore *sighs romantically*…wait, this isn't my laptop! Oh, yeah it is, so WHY ISN'T THERE A DELETE KEY? Only one person could have done this…SAM!

**If not, who is your bf/gf? **Why do you wanna know? OW! Fine, I'm currently dating SPuckett. Yeah, Sam Puckett. What's it to ya?

**How long have you been together? **One month, the best month of my life…Oh, chiz! Where's the delete key? Sam's gonna murder me when she sees that…

**Do you have a crush on anyone right now? **What do you think? I'm dating _Sam, _but I don't like her…sure. Of course I have a crush on Sam.

**First kiss: **Well, Sam said it on her profile, so I might as well say it now. My first kiss was Sam Puckett back in sophomore year. Yeah, I said it!

**Ever kiss in the rain? **It's sappy and chiz, but yeah, I did. And as I've before stated, my girlfriend is Sam, so you can guess who I kissed. She slapped me afterwards, told me I was a romantic dork, but I could tell she really liked it XD.

**In a movie theater? **During that crappy boring chick flick, _Think About Me _or something. Sam and I got bored so we just kissed the whole time. You can imagine the look on the mother's face behind us…Oh no! I'm so dead.

**Underwater? **No…that's a good idea.

**First Love? **Do you mean the first person I thought I was in love with or the first person I was actually in love with? I thought I was in love with Carly for the longest time, but it turns out that I'm actually in love with Sam.

**Have you ever cheated on anyone? **Um, no, not that I remember.

**Been cheated on? ***winces* Um, not really. Just…I don't really want to talk about it.

**Used someone? **No, I'm not a jerk. I'm a gentleman and I don't use people.

**Been used? **Oh, Valerie. I really don't think it's necessary to explain, but she sort of used me to get rid of iCarly and to promote her on webshow. It's stupid and it's in the past so I'm not going to dwell on it.

**Lied to your bf/gf? **I haven't really had that many girlfriends. Valerie, Sam…Carly. I kind of lied to Carly because she asked me if I had any feelings for Sam *chuckles nervously, _oh yeah, no delete key, CRAP!* _well, I did, and I said I didn't...now Carly AND Sam are gonna murder me.

**Ever made out with just a friend? **UGH. I kissed Sam when we were just friends. UGH, NO DELETE KEY! I really hate this computer.

**Are you a tease? **Um, I'm a Freddie.

**Longest relationship? **The one I'm in right now, actually. Yeah, I haven't had a relationship that's longer than a month. You got a problem with that?

**Shortest relationship? **I only dated Carly for a week. We broke up when I realized that I had no feelings for her and she only thought she had feelings for me.

**Have you ever gotten poetry? ***snorts* SAM PUCKETT writing poetry? Yeah, that'll happen. Well, actually, I have received a poem. You know that stalker Shannon girl a few years ago? Yeah, she wrote me a poem. It wasn't the best, but still. It's the thought that counts.

**Ever get flowers? **Dude, even if I am in the A/V Club, I am still a guy. And guys give girls flowers, NOT the other way around.

**Sweetest thing you've ever gotten? **I'm not even gonna answer it, because once SPuckett reads this, I'm already dead. Might as well not make it more painful. But I think you can guess…

**Do you like Valentine's Day or Sweetest Day? **What the… Ginger Fox is a Sweetest Day? I never even heard of it.

**Do you believe in love at first sight? **I used to, when I first met Carly. Then as time went on I realized you had to get to know someone before the two of you could fall in love.

**Do you fall in love fast? **Depends. _True _love or infatuation?

**Are you a player? **Again, I'm a Freddie. I'm a dork of the highest kind. No way could I ever be a player.

**Ever cried over someone of the opposite sex? **Ever cried over a girl? Why would any self-respecting guy admit to crying over a girl? I'd imagine we all have cried over a girl at some point in our lives, but no one would admit to it.

**Ever been dumped? **Wait. I "dumped" Carly, "dumped" Valerie, um, I have had a few dates but not any other girlfriends…other than Sam, of course, but we're still together (hopefully).

**Ever dumped someone? **Well, as I said before, I sort of dumped Carly and Valerie.

**Do you have a lot of ex's? ** I don't know. I have Carly and Valerie. But I've also been on dates with Magic Malika, Melanie (if she exists?), Leslie, Shannon and Sabrina.

**Ever dated someone more than once? **As in broke up and got together again? No, not really.

**Double dates or single? **I don't know. Both have their purposes. Sometimes, I prefer single dates, but a lot of times I like double dates so I don't feel like I'm ditching my friends.

**Do you want to get married? **Yeah, when we feel like we're ready.

**Did you like this quiz? **Um, it would be better if I weren't _posting it all over Splashface. _Without a backspace key.

REMEMBER:

Sam, this was your idea in the first place, AND you removed the backspace key!

And Carly, you taught Sam the dangers of letting someone take a survey without a backspace key!

SO DON'T MURDER ME!

-Dead Fred Out.

**Comments:**

**CShay: **FREDDIE! (Why is it that every time my two best friends take a survey, I have to yell at them?) and SAM! too.

To Freddie:

First, YOU LIED TO ME? You said you had no feelings for Sam? WHAT THE…Tickle Me Elmo?

Second, you DID NOT dump me. It was mutual, remember?

THIRD, you never loved me?

You're darn right I'm gonna kill you!

To Sam:

When I said maybe you'll USE this knowledge someday, I did NOT mean for you to turn it around and use it on Freddie. I meant one day you'd use what you learned. And NOT that removing a person's delete key makes them admit things.

You're both dead to me!

**FBenson: **….I warned you, Carls.

First, what did you want me to say? I'm in love with your best friend? Yeah, that would've gone over real well.

Second, you THOUGHT you were in love with me so why would you wanna break up with me? It wasn't mutual.

Third, I thought I did.

Don't kill me!

**MPuckett: **I do exist!

**FBenson: **Hi, Sam.

**SPuckett: **I'm Sam.

First, you're a sappy dork. Just thought I should get that out there.

Second, WHY THE HECK DID YOU WRITE ALL THAT PERSONAL STUFF ON THERE?

Third, you're dead.

Fourth, Melanie exists. Get it through your thick skull.

And to Carly: This is how I use my knowledge. You know that.

**FBenson: **I warned you, Sam.

First, I know.

Second, I didn't mean to. But I couldn't delete it *raises eyebrows*

Third, I know.

Fourth, no, she doesn't.

**CShay: **Yeah, I guess you're right.

**SPuckett: **Who is that to? And I don't care if I warned you..!

**GGibson: **You're dating Sam?

**CShay: **Oh, Gibby.

FBSF FBSF

Sam ran at Freddie, fists flying. "WHAT WAS THAT, BENSON?"

"You're the one who took off the delete key, Puckett," He clasped her skinny wrists in his hands. "Yeah, go ahead, try to beat me. I've been working out."

Sam struggled against his strong grip. "I'm still stronger than you."

"Prove it," Freddie smirked at her.

"Fine," Sam removed herself from his grip. "But you asked for it, Benson."

They ended up wrestling on the floor. After it was over, Sam looked into Freddie's eyes. Breathing heavily, Sam whispered, "I guess maybe you're not as much a dork anymore. But you still are sappy, with all that chiz about me."

"I know," He replied, and then his lips were on hers again.

_Splashface surveys were perfect for couples._

**How was that? REVIEW and tell me. I don't think it was as good as the first…did I get Freddie right?**


End file.
